Counter-Shinra
by Gothic-Valentine
Summary: Final Fantasy VII meets Counter-Strike Ch1-5 AerisXTifa, Ch3,4 YuffieXVincent ©2002 Knightmare Creations
1. The Challenge

Disclaimer:  
  
Final Fantasy VII Characters are © 2002 Squaresoft.  
  
Falvus, Kaji-Kaze and Knightmare are © 2002 Knightmare Creations  
  
The name Counter-Shinra is © 2002 Knightmare Creations  
  
Cloud is sitting outside of a shopping centre eating an egg sandwich. He's waiting for Tifa and Aeris who disappeared into a woman's clothes shop. Cloud still affected by the life stream starts staring at a mannequin's backside. He just sits there and stares as Tifa and Aeris show up with two arms full of shopping bags. Aeris sets the bags down to the side of Cloud and just looks at him. Tifa crouches down in front of Cloud. His head lowers by it self and his eye left drops to Tifa's chest.  
  
Tifa: "CLOUD! STOP STARING AT MY BREASTS!"  
  
Cloud: "What?"  
  
Tifa: "Your looking down my top!"  
  
Tifa stands up and sits next to Aeris. Cloud still stares at where Tifa was.  
  
Aeris: "You ok Cloud?"  
  
Cloud: "huh? Yea I'm ok"  
  
Aeris: "If you want you can see what me and Tifa got from the shops"  
  
Cloud: "Nah your ok, shopping isn't my thing"  
  
Tifa: "Oh it would be if you knew about me and Aeris"  
  
Cloud: "That's nice"  
  
A fly buzzes past Clouds face as he follows it with his eyes. Tifa and Aeris hold hands.  
  
Tifa: "Cloud are you listening to me?"  
  
Cloud: "huh? Yea I'm listening. God that fly's annoying"  
  
Tifa leans over towards Aeris and gives her a peck on the cheek then slumps down and places a hand on Clouds shoulder.  
  
Tifa: "Cloud, Me and Aeris are going out, we're bisexual"  
  
Cloud: "a bicycle?"  
  
Tifa and Aeris both fall over Anime style as Cloud produces an Anime style sweat drop over his left eye.  
  
Tifa: "Cloud me and Aeris are having sex, and I have sex with men when I'm single"  
  
Cloud: "I've got a headache I don't want to have sex"  
  
Tifa: "CLOUD ME AND AERIS ARE FUCKING!!!!"  
  
Aeris: "Tifa, No need to shout!"  
  
Tifa looks round and notices that everyone is staring at her. She leans down and hides her face from public as it goes red. Cloud grins for no reason at all as Aeris stands up and kneels down in front of Cloud.  
  
Aeris: "Cloud, me and Tifa are like what you and her was like"  
  
Cloud: "Oh… she makes you happy in the bedroom department?"  
  
Aeris: "That's none of your business"  
  
Cloud: "ok… Where did that fly go?"  
  
Aeris: "Come on cloud, we've got to get going"  
  
Just as Cloud was about to get up Sephiroth and Reno walks up to them.  
  
Sephiroth: "Hey Cloud hows life?"  
  
Cloud: "I'm ok, I want to go home and play some Counter-Shinra"  
  
Sephiroth and Reno: "You got that to?"  
  
Sephiroth: "That game is freaking A!"  
  
Reno: "it is when you don't blow my head off with the Magnum Rifle!"  
  
Sephiroth: "I fell of that cliff when I shot you, so shut up!"  
  
Reno: "At least I wasn't blinded for five minutes with the flash bang grenade and the night vision"  
  
Sephiroth: "Anyone could have walked off that building!"  
  
Cloud just laughs as Reno and Sephiroth insult each other's gaming skills. Sephiroth and Reno stop and turn to Cloud.  
  
Reno: "Think your so good Cloud? How about ten minutes in the L.A.K. Network? If your man enough.  
  
(L.A.K. means Local Ass Kicking)  
  
Tifa: "Men and there toys, anyway and anyhow they might as well see who has a bigger penis in the end!"  
  
Sephiroth, Cloud and Reno look at Tifa for a brief moment then face each other again.  
  
Sephiroth: "She's right, we might as well see who's got the bigger penis"  
  
Cloud: "I might have fallen into the life stream but there's no way I'm doing that"  
  
Reno: "Anyway I don't want to show you guys up with my monster"  
  
Sephiroth and Cloud laugh at Reno  
  
Sephiroth: "Yea, Right"  
  
Cloud: "anyway about the game of Counter-Shinra, your both on. Why wait ten minutes why not have a game now?"  
  
Sephiroth: "ok lead the way spiky freak!"  
  
Cloud: "Shut up, don't make me Omni-slash you!"  
  
Sephiroth: "What with? The strap on Aeris has in her hand bag?"  
  
Aeris walks over to Sephiroth and kicks him in the nuts who falls down slowly onto his knees holding onto his groin then falls forwards onto his face.  
  
Aeris: "THAT'S FOR LOOKING IN MY HAND BAG!"  
  
Sephiroth lies on the floor not moving holding onto his groin with his eyes watering.  
  
Cloud and Reno both making sympathy motions towards Sephiroth who is still not moving.  
  
Cloud: "how about that game then? I'm sure Sephiroth will be able to catch us up once he's given birth to his nuts"  
  
Reno laughs and nods.  
  
Reno: "ok let's go"  
  
Tifa: "While you boys go see who's got the highest urinal mark on the wall, me and Aeris are off home."  
  
Aeris pats her handbag towards Tifa and lifts her eyebrows slightly.  
  
Tifa and Aeris pick their shopping bags up and walk off home holding hands. While Reno steps over Sephiroth's body walking with Cloud to the L.A.K. Network building. After five minutes of Sephiroth holding onto his groin he gets up and slowly follows in the direction of Cloud and Reno. 


	2. The Counter-Challenge

Cloud and Reno are waiting outside of the L.A.K. Building for Sephiroth, When Sephiroth gets there Cloud and Reno ask if he's ok  
  
Sephiroth: "Yea I'm ok, I had a bit of a scare back there, I thought I lost my right nut"  
  
Cloud in a squeaky voice: "that's alright Sephiroth lets get playing"  
  
Sephiroth: "…"  
  
A vein on Sephiroth's forehead bulges out as Cloud and Reno burst out laughing.  
  
Sephiroth: "HOW WAS I MENT TO KNOW SHE HAD A STRAP ON IN HER HANDBAG!!!"  
  
Cloud and Reno fall onto the floor from laughing so hard.  
  
Sephiroth steps over Reno and Cloud and pushes the doors open to the L.A.K. Network building, Sephiroth looks though the dark room faces illuminated by computer screens. Gun-fire, motorcycle engine sounds can be heard, (Heck that's almost the ONLY thing they can hear) Sephiroth makes his way past the computers and to the till, Sephiroth and the owner talk while Reno and Cloud catch up. Sephiroth turns round to face them.  
  
Sephiroth: "Well boys, Welcome to the L.A.K. Network, I've talked with the owner and he's got a back room for Counter-Shinra ONLY"  
  
Cloud: "Sweet, Can't wait to play"  
  
The store owner comes back and holds up a key  
  
Biggs: "Room 3, don't worry there's a few faces you'll recognise"  
  
Sephiroth: "Ok we don't mind, we're here to settle something"  
  
Biggs: "you mean you want to see who's better out of the three of you?"  
  
All three "YEP!"  
  
Sephiroth takes the key from Biggs and walks past him as Cloud and Reno follows. Sephiroth stops outside of Room 3 and hears someone swearing from the other side.  
  
Voice: "YOU STUPID F0O! HOW CAN I KILL ANYONE WITH THIS GUN?"  
  
Cloud and Reno: "Barret!"  
  
Sephiroth looks at the door as a sweat drop forms on his brow. Sephiroth places the key into the lock and turns it, the lock inside the handle slides into place with a "click" Sephiroth takes the key out and turns the handle then pushes the door open. Sephiroth's eyes grow accustom to the darkness and he makes out Barret, Vincent Valentine, Cid and a very hyper active Yuffie. Everyone looks up at all three of them.  
  
Barret: "%$#@ CLOSE THE DOOR YOUR LETTING THE LIGHT IN!"  
  
Yuffie: "Come on and try to beat me! NO ONE CAN MWUAHAHAHAH!"  
  
While Yuffie is in the middle of her maniac laughter Vincent's character is on a building with a sniper rifle and Vincent clicks his mouse making the rifle fire.  
  
Yuffie "AHHH SHIT I GOT KILLED!"  
  
Vincent: "That's for blowing your own horn about not been able to be beaten"  
  
Yuffie: "No need to blow my head off"  
  
Sephiroth closes the door behind him and walks over to a free computer station and sits down, Cloud and Reno sits down as well all three logs on to the Counter-Shinra L.A.K Network.  
  
Cloud Strife joins Avalanche  
  
Turks-Reno joins Turks  
  
One-Winged-Angel-Sephiroth joins Turks  
  
One-Winged-Angel-Sephiroth: "Now we're going to see who's better"  
  
Cloud Strife kills One Winged Angel-Sephiroth  
  
Sephiroth: "CLOUD I WASN'T READY!"  
  
Cloud: "SO WHAT!!!"  
  
Vincent chuckles to himself over hearing Cloud and Sephiroth. Vincent looking though his characters eyes, through the sniper scope that's following Yuffie he pushes the fire button three times. One bullet hits Yuffie's shoulder another one hits her chest. Yuffie screams out at Vincent as the third shot rips though her character's head.  
  
Undead Vinny Kills NinjaYuffie  
  
Vincent: "The undead makes another dead"  
  
GunmanBarret kills Undead Vinny  
  
Vincent: "I knew my winning streak would end"  
  
Counter-Shinra: "The Bomb has been planted"  
  
Reno: "You forgot about me MWUAHAHAHAHA"  
  
Cloud whispers to himself: "No I haven't"  
  
Cloud pushes the fire button and the shot rips though Reno's head.  
  
Cloud Strife kills Turks-Reno  
  
Reno: "Spoke to soon!"  
  
*DEAD* One-Winged-Angel-Sephiroth: "Only Cloud, Barret and Cid left"  
  
*DEAD* Turks-Reno: "Yea but who's on what side"  
  
Cid: "I'm a Turk"  
  
Cid lights a cigarette and blows out a smooth gust of smoke.  
  
Barret: "I'm Avalanche, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT AVALANCE IS ABOUT!! #@$& WHERE ARE YOU CID!"  
  
Cloud: "I'm Avalanche as well I think I SEE CID!!"  
  
Cloud opens fire onto a wall with a spray paint logo. Cloud unloads a whole clip against the sprayed logo.  
  
Cloud: "Whoop's my bad that's a wall"  
  
Cid: "That life stream must of affected you bad boy"  
  
Barret: "I'll find ya"  
  
Cloud: "I found something what's this red blinky light?"  
  
Vincent: "That'll be a block of C4 Spike for brains"  
  
Cloud: "How do I diffuse it?"  
  
Everyone: "THE USE KEY!"  
  
Cloud looks around on his keyboard.  
  
Cloud: "I can't find the use key, all I see is Ctrl, Alt, Alt Gr, Caps Lock, Ins, Del, End, Home, Pg Up, Pg Dn, Esc, Num Lock, SysRq, Break and Enter"  
  
Everyone: "THE USE KEY YOU IDIOT!"  
  
The block of C4 explodes in Clouds face killing him instantly  
  
Cloud Strife Dead  
  
GunmanBarret Dead  
  
Counter-Shinra: "Turks Win"  
  
Everyone is staring at Cloud as Barret and Yuffie has veins bulging out of their foreheads.  
  
Cloud: "What?" 


	3. Return Of Tifa and Aeris

Undead Vinny has joined the game  
  
One-Winged-Angel-Sephiroth has joined the game  
  
NinjaYuffie has joined the game  
  
Turks-Reno has joined the game  
  
Smokey-CiD has joined the game  
  
Cloud Strife has joined the game  
  
Undead Vinny has joined Avalanche  
  
One-Winged-Angel-Sephiroth has joined Turks  
  
NinjaYuffie has joined Avalanche  
  
Turks-Reno has joined Turks  
  
Smokey-CiD has joined Turks  
  
Cloud Strife has joined Avalanche  
  
Undead Vinny to team: "Right, everyone I'm Team leader"  
  
NinjaYuffie to team: "NO WAY I should be team leader"  
  
Cloud Strife to team: "Just let's play"  
  
One-Winged-Angel-Sephiroth to team: "I'm team leader or I'll kill the lot of you like I killed Aeris"  
  
Turks-Reno to team: "ok…"  
  
Smokey-CiD to team: "Seph don't make me fly my High wind up your ass!"  
  
One-Winged-Angel-Sephiroth to team: "Don't try me but anyway let's kill some Avalanche"  
  
Cloud looks around then ducks down to his computer station and fires at a wall again.  
  
Yuffie: "That's a wall cloud"  
  
Cloud: "Sorry I thought it was it Cid again"  
  
Vincent buys a flash bang grenade and runs round. Vincent spots a Turk and runs past.  
  
Sephiroth: "I see you Vincent, wait, it's dark I've got to turn my night vision on"  
  
Sephiroth turns his night vision goggles on and Vincent spins round and throws the flash bang at Sephiroth  
  
Undead Vinny to team: "Fire in the hole!"  
  
Vincent turns around and hides behind a wall as the flash bang goes off blinding Sephiroth.  
  
Sephiroth: "GARHHHH NOT AGAIN!"  
  
Sephiroth stops moving and selects his primary weapon and spins round firing in all directions. Cloud is on top of a building with the Magnum rifle he looks though the scope and aims it at Sephiroth's head and fires.  
  
Cloud Strife kills One-Winged-Angel-Sephiroth with a headshot  
  
Sephiroth: "SHIT!!!! CLOUD!!!"  
  
Cloud: "That's the name of the game you're a Turk, I'm a counter Turk"  
  
Sephiroth gets up and walks over to cloud and punches him. Cloud gets up leaving his station, while Sephiroth and Cloud brawl Cid finds Clouds Character and drops a grenade at his feet then runs watching cloud's character. The grenade explodes in clouds face killing him.  
  
Smokey-CiD kills Cloud Strife  
  
Cid: "2 Turks VS 2 Avalanche!"  
  
Cloud: "Cid you bastard! Wait until I've finished with Seph over here"  
  
Cloud gets punched in the face as someone knocks on the door. Cloud tells Sephiroth to stop, But Sephiroth plants on last punch to his face. Cloud pushes himself up and stands on Sephiroth's nuts before walking over to the door. Cloud opens the door and three people are standing outside the one wearing the mask starts to talk  
  
Masked man: "Hey I'm Knightmare, is there any free machines, me and my mates want a game"  
  
Cloud looks behind him and counts a few spare computers. He turns and faces Knightmare again."  
  
Cloud: "Yea sure there's enough room, just when you step over the guy laid on the floor step on his nuts"  
  
Knightmare: "Ok"  
  
Knightmare, Kaji-Kaze and Kazl walk into the room, Sephiroth is still laid on his back holding his nuts as Knightmare places a size 10 boot over his hands and crunches down, Kaji-Kaze and Kazl both step on Sephiroth's nuts as well and sits down at the spare stations.  
  
Sephiroth in a high-pitched voice: "What has everyone got against my balls?"  
  
Everyone except Knightmare, Kaji-Kaze and Kazl: "EVERYTHING"  
  
Sephiroth slowly gets to his feet and walks back over to his computer station. While Knightmare, Kaji-Kaze and Kazl log in.  
  
Knightmare has joined The Game  
  
Kaji-Kaze has joined The Game  
  
Kazl has joined The Game  
  
Knightmare has joined Turks  
  
Kaji-Kaze has joined Avalanche  
  
Kazl has joined Avalanche  
  
Kaji-Kaze: "Right let's get them Turks!"  
  
All Living Avalanche "YEA!"  
  
Cloud and Sephiroth step out of the Game room and go for a cup of coffee when they come back they see Aeris and Tifa playing as well. Cloud and Sephiroth both notice that they've switched clothes. Sephiroth looks away and goes red while Cloud walks past them and sits back at his station drinking his hot cup of coffee. After a while the Avalanche win. Everyone takes a five-minute break and they all stand outside of the L.A.K. Network Building. Tifa is pressing Aeris against the wall and is in the middle of a very passionate kiss as Sephiroth, Cloud, Cid, Barret, Reno and Biggs watch with there mouths open wide, Yuffie has her back to them. Tifa and Aeris stop mid kiss and look around.  
  
Tifa: "WILL EVERYONE STOP WATCHING US!"  
  
Aeris: "Yea I agree haven't you seen two women kiss in public before?"  
  
Biggs: "I beg your pardon but women kissing kids, husbands, boyfriends, parents, but not other women like that."  
  
Tifa: "The Next person to make a comment like that will get my Final Heaven!"  
  
Cloud: "Can I see you two kiss again?"  
  
Everyone else but Cloud leg it as fast as possible back inside as Tifa's vein bulges out and thumbs over and over again.  
  
I know this one was short but don't worry 


	4. The Server Crash

Tifa walks into the Counter-Shinra room blowing some dust off her knuckles. Sephiroth looks up and gulps before speaking.  
  
Sephiroth: "Where's cloud?"  
  
Tifa: "you keep asking then you'll find out personally!"  
  
Sephiroth: "Sorry, anyway we can't start without him"  
  
Tifa: "What ever"  
  
Tifa walks over to Aeris and sits down, Aeris places her hands on Tifa's shoulders and starts to give her a massage. Tifa leans her head down enjoying Aeris' fingers on her neck and shoulders. After a while Cloud walks in with a black eye and moves away from Tifa. Everyone moves to their stations while Kazl, Knightmare and Kaji-Kaze come back into the room. They take up the spare stations everyone logs on.  
  
Undead Vinny joined the game  
  
One-Winged-Angel-Sephiroth joined the game  
  
NinjaYuffie joined the game  
  
GunmanBarret joined the game  
  
Turks-Reno joined the game  
  
Smokey-Cid joined the game  
  
Cloud Strife joined the game  
  
Knightmare joined the game  
  
Wind-of-Fire joined the game  
  
Monster joined the game  
  
The-Last-Ancient joined the game  
  
Nibelheim-Heartbreaker joined the game  
  
Undead Vinny joined Avalanche  
  
One-Winged-Angel-Sephiroth joined Turks  
  
NinjaYuffie joined Avalanche  
  
GunmanBarret joined Avalanche  
  
Turks-Reno joined Turks  
  
Smokey-Cid joined Avalanche  
  
Cloud Strife joined Avalanche  
  
Knightmare joined Turks  
  
Wind-of-Fire joined Turks  
  
Monster joined Turks  
  
The-Last-Ancient joined Turks  
  
Nibelheim-Heartbreaker joined Avalanche  
  
Sephiroth: "Turk's I'm team leader"  
  
Monster: "Whatever"  
  
Knightmare: "I'm here to kill"  
  
Kaji-Kaze: "K"  
  
Aeris: "Your not the boss of me!"  
  
Reno: "Seph just play the damn game!"  
  
The game counter reaches 0:00 and the game starts, Cloud runs though some cliff faces with Sephiroth on the cliff firing down at him, Cloud takes some shots but isn't killed.  
  
Sephiroth: "GET BACK HERE CLOUD!"  
  
Cloud selects his primary weapon, the hand held Mako Cannon and looks though the scope, this weapon has thermal imaging and he can spot Sephiroth on the cliff. Cloud backs up a bit and opens fire the shot rips though the air moving close to Sephiroth. Sephiroth hears the shot and quickly jumps off the cliff to a ledge as the shot rips though his characters nuts.  
  
Sephiroth: "DON'T START THAT AGAIN!!!"  
  
Cloud selects his Duel .45 and opens fire sending a hail of bullets screaming though the air making Sephiroth duck down and unable to move, Vincent comes along and spots Sephiroth on the ledge, He selects his primary weapon the sniper rifle, He aims it up the ledge and pushes the button on his mouse, the bullet launches itself from the rifle and twists in the air as it sores towards it's target at 300mpc (miles per second) then the computer screen goes blank. One by one all the computers cut out, Sephiroth just stands up and screams.  
  
Sephiroth: "YEESSSSSS I'M SAVED!"  
  
Everyone else starts throwing the empty cups of coffee at Sephiroth who sits back down. Cloud gets up and walks out of the room and talks to Biggs.  
  
Cloud: "What's happened?"  
  
Biggs: "Server overload sorry, we'll have to close for a few hours while we fix it back up."  
  
Cloud: "A FEW HOURS… damn, well get on it right away"  
  
Biggs: "I need to clear the building first"  
  
Cloud: "say there's a bomb some where"  
  
Biggs: "Nice idea cloud"  
  
Biggs picks up the building microphone and brings it to his mouth, the microphone gives some feedback which echo's though the building. Biggs moves it away from his mouth then back to it as he wets his lips before speaking.  
  
Biggs: "We shut the servers down because I just received a phone call from a mysterious person saying that there's a bomb on the premises. Please leave the building in a calm collective manner"  
  
As usual when a bomb threat is phoned in the whole bottom floor runs in a panic stepping on one another trying to escape. I'll skip the details but a few people get trampled on.  
  
Cloud: "Well that worked"  
  
Biggs: "Yea but now I'll have to get the windows fixed"  
  
Cloud: "It was only an idea. Anyway I'll in form the others and we'll be back in a few hours to check up on the servers"  
  
Biggs: "Ok"  
  
Cloud walks back to room 3 and pushes the door open where we find Tifa holding Sephiroth by the throat with her fist a few inches away from his face.  
  
Tifa: "You comment on my sexuality again and you'll HAVE no sexuality!"  
  
Sephiroth: "Tifa I'm sorry, I didn't mean to call you a gold studded dyke"  
  
We focus on Cloud now because Tifa is beating seven shades of Mako out of the One Winged Angel. Cloud is making faces at us because he gets to see what's happening to Sephiroth and we don't (NO FAIR!)  
  
Cid: "I'm putting my money on Tifa"  
  
Vincent: "Cid you always put your money on Tifa when she beats Sephiroth to a bloody pulp"  
  
Cid: "and? Your point been? It's a sure win that's why"  
  
Vincent: "True, anyway I'm off outside, wanna come with?"  
  
Cid: "Yea might as well they'll be fighting a while"  
  
Vincent, Cid, Barret, Reno, Cloud, Knightmare, Kaji-Kaze, Kazl and Aeris leave the brawl between Sephiroth and Tifa, They wave to Biggs on the way out.  
  
Aeris: "anyone hungry?"  
  
This is where I'll leave this chapter at, I'm slowly running out of ideas and I really want to introduce Wedge because Biggs and Wedge are a team! 


	5. Yuffie, Vincent, Where are you?

Cloud: "Yea I'm hungry"  
  
Reno: "Who's buying?"  
  
Aeris: "Tifa will be a while so we might as well get some dinner… Hey where's Yuffie? Vincent they must have sneaked off as well."  
  
Cid: "I saw Yuffie go in a different direction from us, Vincent I've got no clue so I can't help ya with him, He might be at the local Coffin shop"  
  
Aeris whacks Cid for the coffin shop comment  
  
Meanwhile in a park not so far away.  
  
Yuffie: "I love you Vincent"  
  
Vincent: "I love you to Yuffie"  
  
Vincent's crimson eyes brighten slightly as he smiles. He starts to move closer to Yuffie who is moving closer to Vincent, there eyes not breaking contact what so ever. Yuffie bites on her lower lip as she looks at Vincent, Her emotions running wild as she moves closer to kiss Vincent her breathing takes on a shallow pattern, Vincent on the other hand doesn't need to breath thusly doesn't have this problem. The pair of them close there eyes in this perfect moment as they embrace each other in a long and loving kiss, Vincent's hands move around Yuffie's body and embraces her in a hug while they kiss.  
  
We'll leave Yuffie and Vincent to there mushy stuff as we fly over the clouds and buildings. Tifa is walking out of the L.A.K. Network building as we zoom in on her clothes, the cameraman zooms in even closer, so close that we only see her cleavage on the screen at the moment. Tifa stops moving and looks at the camera a few inches away from her breasts and quickly gives the cameraman a kick in the nuts. We look though the camera once again as we see it sways side to side until it stops on the floor. Tifa steps on the cameraman's hand and crouches down.  
  
Tifa: "Only Aeris are allowed to see them, No one else"  
  
Tifa gives the cameraman another kick into the ribs and hops over him. Pulls out her PHS and dials Aeris.  
  
Aeris over PHS: "Yes?"  
  
Tifa: "Hey girlfriend it's me Tifa"  
  
Aeris: "Hey I love you, you know that?"  
  
Tifa: "Yea I know you do Babe, anyway where are you?"  
  
Aeris: "We're at The Celestial Boat"  
  
Tifa: "Ok I'm on my way I'll see you soon, Love you"  
  
Aeris: "I love you more, see you soon sexy"  
  
Tifa: "Bye"  
  
Tifa hangs up the PHS and starts to skip humming a jolly tune on her way.  
  
Meanwhile back with Vincent and Yuffie in the park. They are both looking up at the sky pointing at clouds.  
  
Vincent: "That one's a duck"  
  
Yuffie: "No it isn't it's a cat"  
  
Vincent pulls out his Death Penalty and aims it at the cloud, after a few moments the cloud changes shape into a full bodied duck Yuffie hits Vincent for cheating then rolls on top of him, pinning his arms down. Vincent's eyes light up with surprise as he drops the Death Penalty and over powers the young Yuffie and rolls on top of her. Vincent leans his head down and slowly kissers her again. His hands slide down her arms and along her smooth navel and pushes up under her top.  
  
MOVING ON, we find Tifa looking down a street towards The Celestial Boat. She grins to her self and walks towards it. Meanwhile in the Celestial Boat Cloud and Reno are in the middle of an Arm Wrestling contest. After a while of going backwards and forwards Cloud pokes Reno in the eye and slams his hand down.  
  
Reno: "GAHHH MY EYE!"  
  
Cloud: "Pay up"  
  
Cloud taps the table as Reno fumbles in his wallet and lays out 30 gil Reno gets up still rubbing his eye as Tifa sits down in front of Cloud. Cloud hasn't looked up yet and places his arm on the table, Tifa grabs Clouds hand and twists it behind his back knocking the table over.  
  
Tifa: "Give Reno his money back, he's paying for his own food"  
  
Cloud: "Oh hi Tifa, where's Sephiroth?"  
  
We get a flash of Sephiroth hog-tied, gagged and swinging from the ceiling of the L.A.K. Network building. Tifa looks away and a sweat drop forms on her brow.  
  
Tifa: "He said he'd catch up"  
  
Cloud: "Ok, oh and Tifa?"  
  
Tifa: "Yea?"  
  
Cloud: "Let go of my arm if you want me to pay Reno back"  
  
Tifa lets go as Cloud rubs his shoulder, he pulls out his wallet and hands Reno his 30 gil back and sits back down pulling the table off the floor. Tifa pulls another table up and puts them side by side. Tifa sits down next to Aeris and places her hand on her thigh as she leans towards her and whispers in her ear.  
  
Tifa in a low voice: "I'm wearing your underwear"  
  
Aeris looks back at Tifa and leans towards her ear.  
  
Aeris: "I'm not wearing any beat that."  
  
Tifa moves her hand up Aeris' thigh and down her shorts and pulls her hand back. She leans closer to Aeris again.  
  
Tifa: "I'll do one better later"  
  
Aeris: "Is that a promise or a threat?"  
  
Tifa just winks at Aeris while licking her lips she picks up a menu and looks at it. While Tifa and everyone order their meals we check up on Sephiroth. We see he's still hog-tied but now Wedge is poking him with a stick he turns towards the door and yells out.  
  
Wedge: "HEY BIGGS CHECK THIS OUT!"  
  
Footsteps are heard coming closer as Biggs pokes his head though the door. He can't make anything out in the gloom so he flicks a few switches. The lights flicker then come on and Biggs watches Sephiroth spin around in a circle. Tifa tied him to the ceiling fan he has a sign hanging off his neck. Biggs flicks the switch for the fan as Sephiroth slows down then stops. The sign reads "I'm a Clay-digging ass lover" Wedge and Biggs fall over laughing as Sephiroth's forehead protrudes a vein thumbing in time with his heartbeat.  
  
Biggs: "Hold your horses Sephiroth I'll cut you down"  
  
Biggs goes out the room then comes back in holding a retractable bladed knife. He gets on top of Wedges shoulders and cuts the rope holding him to the fan. Sephiroth drops down and hits the floor with a thud.  
  
Biggs: "Whoops I forgot to cut your arms free"  
  
Biggs climbs down and cuts the rope. Sephiroth springs to his feet and grabs hold of Wedge and Biggs. He goes to speak.  
  
Sephiroth: "MUMMMMUUMMMEHMM!!"  
  
Wedge and Biggs don't understand Sephiroth. Sephiroth gets frustrated and quickly removes his gag.  
  
Sephiroth: "YOU MENTION THIS TO ANYONE AND YOUR DEAD, BOTH OF YOU"  
  
Sephiroth lets go of them and storms out the room. He notices the cameraman on the floor holding his groin.  
  
Sephiroth: "Ahhh I see Tifa's been here"  
  
Sephiroth follows the path of men on the floor holding their groins until he spots "The Celestial Boat"  
  
What will Sephiroth do? Find out NEXT TIME ON COUNTER-SHINRA! 


End file.
